I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
