You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
