i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
