I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
