i jhust puked up my retainher.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
two words: eviction party
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
