I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
