You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
