He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
