Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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