Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
