i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
