Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
