after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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