I hate your face
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
