96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
