worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
