But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
