when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
