i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize