Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
