can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
