Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
