I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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