I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
