you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
