i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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