For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
