He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
