My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
