I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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