well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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