This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
