I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
