There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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