Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
