He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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