is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
