im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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