And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
