They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
