she woke up with a sticky ear
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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