It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
