Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
