She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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