two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
