At least make sure they are 18
Why
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I want her autograph on my taint
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Randomize
