When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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