she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
