Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
