some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
