and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
