Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
