new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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