we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
