he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
