Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
